To celebrate the birth of the octuplets and the Mother the fourteen children, Denny’s Restaurant has announced their “Suleman Special”.

It comes with fourteen eggs, no sausage and the person next to you pays for it.

Important info on the Stimulus Payment

“This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

“Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

“A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

“Q. Where will the government get this money?

“A. From taxpayers.

“Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

“A. Only a smidgen.

“Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

“A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

“Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

“A.  Shut up.”

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan .

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or  tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

The Black Bra

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams.  I lo ve you.’ Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, ‘What’s for dinner, Batman?’

]]> http://aprilwine.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/bra-story/feed/ 0 aprilwine http://aprilwine.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/your-kids-homework/ http://aprilwine.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/your-kids-homework/#comments Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:09:36 +0000 aprilwine http://aprilwine.wordpress.com/?p=565 ]]>

Number 1 reason to check your kids homework……

Note sent, the next school day, with the 1st grader…

Dear Ms. Williams,

That’s not a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint! I work at Home Depot. That’s me selling a shovel.

Cathy’s mother,

- Mrs. Smith

Umm yeah ….suuuuuuuuure! Good try mom!

If you are reading this, thank you for stopping by. I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been held hostage over here———–>The Hostages

Just wanted to wish you all a very Happy and prosperous 2009!!! It started out kinda bumpy…well…really bumpy. I will share that story another time.

On New Years Day at the Rose Bowl, I watched the bested University kick the shit out of Penn State! NICE!!! Then, the band plays Avenge Sevenfold at half time. AWESOME!!!

Friday after Christmas we left for the desert to go camping/dirt bike riding with 5 other families. My son, daughter and I came home Sunday night because my son had to work Monday and I had to work today.

My  hubby fell off his dirt bike yesterday while climbing a vertical hill. He almost made it all the way to the top but hit some soft dirt and his bike got loose on him. He fell on his elbow which jabbed into his ribs bruising them pretty badly. He doesn’t think any are broken. He said it felt ok to ride, it sorta kept him loose. So tonight, I’m home alone, making a nice salad for dinner, drinking some merlot, phone rings….
Ring, ring, ring, (gotta let it ring at least 3 times before picking it up, even though I have caller ID and know it’s my hubby).

Me: Hello
Hubby: Hey, watcha doing?
Me: Hi, making dinner, what are YOU doing?
Hubby: Well, I have good news and bad news
Me: OoooooKaaaay
Hubby: My ribs feel a little better
Me: Silence
Hubby: I think I might have broken my ankle though
Me: WHAT? Are you kidding me?
Hubby: (nervous laugh) I wish I was
Me: You were doing jumps weren’t you?
Hubby: Yeah, I didn’t fall, I just landed it really hard
Me: Uh huh
Hubby: I’ve actually been riding since, I only hurts when I walk
Me: Uh hmmmm
Hubby: But, I came back to the trailor and iced it right away, took some motrin. Now I have it up, I’m talking to you and drinking a beer. It’s all good!

Guess where I get to take Hubby tomorrow when he gets home?  The doctor or maybe even the ER if the doctor isn’t in on New Years Eve! YAY!!!

Love this song!!!

I wish I could say I wrote this, but I didn’t.

SHIT, It’s cold!!!!!

The End